Indulge in the art of doing nothing

Over the years we have become more reliant, dependent and addicted to our phones. They have been designed to keep us checking, swiping and refreshing. From the moment we wake up until the moment we go to sleep, our phones dominate our lives. When we are at work we check our phones, when we are socialising with friends the phone accompanies us, when we are eating our dinner our devices are unwelcome guests at the table, some people even like to take their phones into the toilet to look at while sat on the loo.

“By not giving ourselves the minutes or hours free from devices and distraction we are losing our ability to know how we are and what’s important to us,” said Nancy Kline in her thought provoking book published this year The Promise That Changes Everything: I Won’t Interrupt You. Kline describes this constant digital distraction as “digistraction” and predicts in the not too distant future that courts will recognise “neglect by digistraction“ as grounds for divorce.

One of the things that I most value about the therapy hour is the chance to sit and listen to somebody without the interruption of phones. To be able to focus attention on the conversation exclusively is a real luxury that is not often found elsewhere in society. However, I have had to train myself to not be mesmerised when a client’s Apple watch illuminates with a message.

I watched an episode of the TV programme “4 In a Bed” whereby B&B owners stay in each other’s establishments and rate their experience. A father and son scored down a countryside B&B as the Wi-Fi did not reach their bedroom. They said they wouldn’t stay again and paid the owners less than the asking price. The owners actually felt that the inability to get internet in the Yorkshire B&B was a bonus not a disadvantage.

It’s not a coincidence that over the past 5 to 10 years I’ve become aware of the increased inability in clients to sit with themselves. There is a constant need for distraction from one at one’s own thoughts. Every spare moment is filled with phone checking and scrolling. People have become unable to tolerate being still, quiet or on occupied. The phone has become a pacifier that is taken out every time there is the risk of being on occupied.

We are losing the art of daydreaming, people watching and doing nothing. We are eroding our ability to be with our own thoughts and create space to be independent thinkers. Our phones spoon-feed us what to buy, what to think, what to do, through pop-ups, targeted adverts and push notifications.

Years ago I used to watch TV mindlessly, flicking from channel to channel. Now I record the programs I want to watch and can fast forward through the commercial breaks. I’m trying to practice more intentional phone use, limiting the number of times I pick up my phone throughout today. Not having it on my person reduces the risk of looking. Being mindful about my reasons to unlock reduces the digistraction. I am allowing my brain to focus on something for a few seconds longer, strengthening my attention span. I see my phone as a polluter of thinking and just like any other kind of detox, it’s really hard to clear up initially but I want to be more present, more focused to listen longer before interruption, to create space for independent creative thinking.