Journey of self discovery

I love journeys and travelling. I get excited about planning the itinerary, researching how to get the best out of a trip, planning the outfits to wear. I love airports, the hustle and bustle, watching the goodbyes and the reunions, the promise of your adventures, lie ahead. I love plane or train journeys – a period of uninterrupted time that I can read, listen to podcasts or watch a movie. That is like a mini holiday for me right there.

Therapy is often spoken about as a “journey.”  The process of self-discovery is unique for each person. Coming face-to-face with your goals, dreams, personal values, strengths and personality traits may not seem to matter in day to day life, but awareness of these characteristics can give you insight into your inner life.

Embarking on a journey of self-discovery can seem like an intimidating concept, but really, it is a process of…

o   Examining your life, and who you are

o   Figuring out what’s important to you

o   Taking steps towards living in a rewarding, fulfilling way.

 So how do you start the journey of self discovery?

Visualise your ideal self
Most people define themselves by their relationship with others – parent, employer, partner, friend. Try asking yourself:

o   What do I want from life?

o   Where do I see myself in five years?

o   What makes me proud of myself?

Explore your passions
Passions make life rich and meaningful. Living your passion might involve identifying a job you’ve always wanted, starting a hobby or sport or exploring ways to volunteer with your skills. Think about what you spend your free time doing. What do you look forward to?

Trying new things
As we get older we stay more within the confines of our comfort zone and like what is familiar and safe to us. It’s important to do things outside of your comfort zone in order to grow. When was the last time you did something totally different or something that scared you a bit? When you feel the fear – do you back away or lean in? Exploring new things can feel uncomfortable and overwhelming, but this is part of the magic. Think of how proud and accomplished you’d feel after you have achieved something new.

Audit your strengths
Due to the negativity bias, we automatically home in on our weaknesses or deficits, and often ignore our strengths. Focusing on growing your strengths can increase your confidence and self-belief.

Identify your core values
Your personal values are the specific qualities you view as most important. These values illustrate the life you want to live, as well as the behaviour you expect from others. Just as employers might have different motivations at work (status, pay, doing good) we all have different values that form the basis of how we live our lives.
Clarifying your core values can help make certain you are living in alignment. If you value honesty and loyalty, but in the situation where these are not in abundance, it creates a rub or friction.

Get curious
You may have read or watch Simon Sinek’s TED Talk “Start with Why”. We often blindly accept things without questioning. When you want to know yourself better start by asking questions:
Why do I do the things I do?
What motivates me?
What am I missing?
What impact on my choices have?
You don’t need to have all the answers, but if you never ask yourself, the questions…

Keep a journal

I kept a diary in my adolescent years and used to pour out all my pent-up thoughts and feelings… until I had a bad experience that put me off keeping a diary for years.  I was a naïve teenage working as a live in nanny for a little boy in Boston, USA. I kept my diary on top of the high TV unit. I had a few hours off and went shopping in Copley Plaza, on my return my diary was on the floor and the mum had read all my innermost thoughts about her. With 10 days left of the trip until I got to fly home, it was excruciating.

The art of writing is in the fact that it allows thoughts to pour from your head and gives them a concrete place to land. Simply putting pen to paper can feel so cathartic and therapeutic.

You might like to try the tombstone exercise, which involves writing down what might appear on your tombstone or be said in your obituary after your death.

Talk to a therapist
When the process of self discovery seems overwhelming or daunting, and you don’t know where to start, get some professional guidance. You don’t have to be in a mental health crisis to benefit from counselling. Therapists and counsellors, help people through a range of issues, including goal clarification, career changes, life transitions and making big decisions. They help you to be able to think from your rational logical brain rather than from your emotional reactive brain. Use a directory such as “Counselling Directory” and look for professionals accredited with a professional body.

The process of self-discovery looks different for everyone. It is a journey that takes time. You’re in charge of the journey, you can allow for detours and meander from the main path. The more ground you cover through self exploration the more you will discover about yourself.

So don’t worry about the destination just enjoy the journey!