Why Words matter
Did you know academics can predict literacy levels and intelligence in children based on how many books parents have in the home. Teenagers in a home with almost no books went on to have below average literacy and numeracy levels, the researchers found. Having approximately 80 books in adolescent home libraries raised levels to the average. Words matter. The language we use shapes how we experience the world. It is our tool for making sense of things, creating meaning, learning, laying down patterns our brain can use for predicting the future.
When I worked in a young offender’s institution one of my first tasks was to increase the number of feeling words the inmates knew. Often when asked how they were they were – there about four mean feelings – fine, depressed, angry, anxious. Having a poor emotional vocabulary of words to describe how you are feeling is associated with higher levels of depression after stressful life events.
Research shows that it is important to be able to label experiences with a high degree of specificity. For example, imagine getting news that you did not get a job, rather than saying you feel bad, but being able to elaborate by using words such as empty, flat, rejected, disappointed, inadequate, inferior, embarrassed, insecure, ashamed, indifferent. The more feeling words you can learn and used to differentiate between feelings, the more options your brain has for making sense of various thoughts, sensations and emotions. When you use an accurate word for feeling this helps to regulate your emotions.
So how can you be more specific with your emotional vocabulary?
o Ban using the word fine. Try and get beyond the generic feeling and be more descriptive.
o Use the feeling wheel (developed by Dr. Gloria Willcox, The wheel organizes 72 feelings into a pie chart and sorts them into 6 groups: sad, mad, scared, joyful, powerful, and peaceful). Pick a feeling for a week and noticed when that feeling crops are throughout your day or examine the feelings at the opposite end of the feeling to see how you might transform or alchemize your experience.
o After an experience (e.g. lunch with a new colleague) get curious about the feeling is it evoked.
o See if music, film, books, the news evokes certain feelings or combinations of feelings.
o Locate the feelings in your body. Does it sit in your belly, your gut, your heart, your chest? Is it heavy, dance, dark, swirly?
o Journalling can help you explore and describe how you feel
o Consider having some counselling sessions to help you better understand, locate and sit with feelings. A Counsellor will act like a coach and support for you to access, describe and feel your thoughts and feelings. They say that you cannot heal what you cannot feel.
o Choose a photo on your phone that’s positive and record the feeling as if you were back in the moment. Focusing on positive feelings will create stronger neural pathways in your brain and make accessing them easier in the future. Focusing on the positives will also help counteract our natural tendency to scan and notice negatives.
A rich vocabulary helps you understand yourself and the world around you, and it helps you understand what you are feeling when an emotional state arises. Strengthening your emotional vocabulary will help you express yourself more articulately and assertively.