What to tell children that are worried about the war in Ukraine
Our children are just emerging from a global pandemic and a significant chunk of their childhoods being filled with fear, uncertainty and anxiety. The situation in Ukraine will no doubt add to their worries and concerns.
My daughter had a nightmare last night about war and bombs going off in a tent that all the family had to hide in. As much as I try to keep the news channels off in the house its inevitable that children will hear things about the situation in Ukraine and Russia and this will be processed in their minds in different ways.
One of my clients, his 17 year old daughter asked him if he would end up having to fight in World War Three. Her seeing that all men between the ages of 18-60 years old in Ukraine are banned from leaving the country and are being urged to join the army lead to her thinking that her dad might be called upon to fight.
What is happening in Ukraine can be frightening for both children and adults. Ignoring or avoiding the topic can lead to children feeling lost, alone and more scared, which can affect their health and well-being. It is essential to have open and honest conversations with children to help them process what is happening.
Looking for signs of anxiety in your child
If you notice a change in how your child normally acts – they may become more quiet, there may be a change to their appetite, their sleep pattern – perhaps waking up more at night, they could display anxious habits like fingernail biting or they could become more clingy and demand more of your attention in order to seek reassurance.
If you see signs of anxiety in your child, letting them know you are there to talk, often without even having a big talk, can go a long way. You may instinctively want to shield and protect your children and protective Mumma or Pappa bear can kick in saying things like “there, there it will be all right. There is nothing to worry about” but minimising the fear and risk in this way could back fire.
Ask your child what they know
Try to find out what your children already know about the war situation, and how they found out about it. There are lots of videos and opinion pieces flying about on social media and such as Tik Tok and Instagram memes.
Give children the space to tell you what they know, how they feel, and to ask you questions. They may have formed a completely different picture of the situation than you have. Take the time to listen to what they think, and what they have seen or heard
Top Tips
· Stay calm when talking about the situation with Russia and Ukraine
Experts at Save The Children say it’s important to stay calm when you approach the conversation. Children often copy the sentiments of their caregivers—if you are uneasy about the situation, chances are your child will be uneasy as well.
· Don’t bring it up if children seem uninterested
Consider your child’s age and developmental stage. Some children will be fascinated by the Ukraine conflict and want to know more, some will be worried, but others may show no interest at all – and that’s fine. It depends entirely on the child. It is about judging your child’s level of interest and responding to that.
· Keep children away from online news and images where possible
Of course, it’s much harder with older children to keep them away from online media and social media images. Horrific images can cause nightmares and may awaken other fears and anxieties so it’s important to keep younger children away from TV and online news and images where possible.
If you’re worried that your child is scrolling through images, videos or social media on a device, encourage them to make smart media choices and check the parental controls. Also support children to differentiate between trusted and reliable information sources and sources that are not as credible. Children and young people can get information from unreliable, unfiltered social media outlets.
· Get to the root of their fear
Parents might mistakenly assume that their children are worried about the same things they are — but often they’re not. For instance, if your child asks a question like “Is this World War III?” it’s best to respond with your own questions so you can understand what’s truly worrying them. You could ask: “What do you mean by that?” Or “What specifically is scaring you?” It could be, for instance, that your child is conjuring up images of past wars and is worried that their community is going to be invaded. Or maybe they’re worried that food prices are going to increase, and they’ll have nothing to eat.
· Maintaining normality helps children feel secure
Children like stability, security and routine. They think, “well, if I’m going to school, and doing my swimming lesson at the same time each week, things can’t be that bad”. Children respond to order at home, even if the outside world feels chaotic
· Encourage them if they want to help the war situation
Support children who want to help. Children who have the opportunity to help those affected by the conflict can feel like they are part of the solution. Children can create fundraisers, send letters to local decision-makers, or create drawings calling for peace.