Lisa lost her voice

Years and years she sacrificed herself for her husband. Lisa moved abroad for him, had a child for him, sacrificed her work for him. In the end she was a shell of herself.  The process of switching off and shutting down had started. Her opinions were not valid, ridiculed (often publicly) and she was made to feel worthless. She became so used to not articulating how she felt. It was easier just to say nothing, just to agree.

Yet despite this, her marriage vowels were taken with such solemnity. She was agonising over ending the relationship, she felt so guilty and so ashamed. She felt petrified she would be judged as failure. So confused as to her own mind.

She sacrificed her sense of self, her own happiness and personality in order to be in her marriage. When she fantasised about ending the marriage she had dreams of her own place, being happy, being herself …. but due to her guilt she could not bring herself to commit to her decision to leave.

Her voice of guilt was so dominating that she was unable to fight back and stand up to it. We looked at the strategies that she could deploy when she felt guilty. She was so scared that she’d back track and that she’d come this far for nothing.

Reflective questions

How much of yourself have you compromised to be in a relationship?

How guilty do you feel about your desires?

How dominating is your critical voice? Are you able to answer back and stand up to it? 

When you’ve got a big decision to make what helps you to make it?